Ah, the thrilling and sometimes elusive female orgasm. It’s been a mystery to us for many moons – all we know is that it feels amazing and that we want it whenever possible. However, for some of us it’s hard to reach with a partner or even by ourselves. This is totally not an issue! There’s no one way to orgasm and everybody has different preferences, some of which we may not be aware of yet. It helps to start by knowing a little bit about how everything works before exploring our bodies and figuring out how to achieve that perfect O.
An orgasm occurs when blood flow to the genitals increases during arousal, making them more sensitive. When the sexual tension in your body releases, there will be a series of rhythmic muscular contractions in the uterus, vagina and pelvic floor. This is what we call an orgasm.
Though the female orgasm hasn’t been nearly as well researched as males’ and there’s been no clear biological function found, it has a whole host of benefits:
- Helps sleep
Achieving orgasm before bed can be a fantastic sleeping aid. The oxytocin and prolactin released are powerful relaxant hormones and will have you dozing off contentedly in no time.
- Good for your heart
Orgasm lowers the stress hormone cortisol, which has been linked to heart disease and decreased immunity.
- Regulates your cycle
Research has shown that women who orgasm once a week are more likely to have their period at consistent 26-33 day intervals as opposed to women who have sex/masturbate less frequently.
- Strengthens your pelvic floor
By now most of us have heard about how important kegel exercises are. They help with bladder control and core strength among other things, and coming is the most fun exercise of all!
- It’s a painkiller
When you orgasm your body releases oxytocin and endorphins which are hormones known to relieve pain. This is why sex and masturbation on your period are a really good idea!
We know how good it is for you, so how do you actually get there? There are plenty of harmful misconceptions about women being unable to reach orgasm – they have psychological problems, they have to be in love to reach orgasm, or even that the female orgasm doesn’t exist at all. These are entirely untrue, and we need to normalise both the orgasm and struggling with it. All it takes is a little exploration to find what feels best for you, and that might take a while!
Here are some things to try out:
- Experiment with areas other than your clitoris
The fact of the matter is that most of us need clitoral stimulation in order to come. However, sometimes that’s not enough and we’re missing out on parts of our body that could be a lot of fun! Try playing with your nipples and erogenous zones like your ears, neck, fingertips or your abdomen area. Soft touches or licking can really do the trick here. If you’re solo, try tracing your fingertips softly down your body as you head south.
- Try upright sex positions
Test out being on top and having your partner sit up slightly so that as your hips move your clitoris rubs against their pelvis. This also allows for heightened intimacy, which might help get you there. If you’re by yourself, try humping a pillow.
- Find your G-spot
This famously sensitive area is located a couple inches into your vagina on the top wall, but it varies from person to person. This is an erogenous zone that is said to be the internal shaft of the clitoris. You can find it by inserting two fingers into your vagina facing the top wall and stroking with a “come here” motion. If you notice a denser area of tissue, then you’ve found your G-spot and you can use it to your advantage. Don’t stress if you can’t find it! It doesn’t always do it for everyone, and there are all sorts of ways to achieve orgasm that don’t involve it at all.
- Move your body
Grinding your hips or arching your back can help you to stay present and maximise your feelings of pleasure. If you’re having penetrative sex or using a penetrative toy, it might even help you find some particularly pleasurable angles.
- Make sure you’re lubricated enough
An insufficient amount of lubrication can really hinder you in climaxing. Use your natural lubrication to your advantage or add some extra if necessary. It’ll make stimulating your genitals a lot more comfortable.
It’s so important that we normalise talking about our orgasms until they’re seen as just as acceptable as men’s, and until we all realize that so many of us struggle to get there! It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Sex can still be a lot of fun even without it ending in climax, and it’s a great way for you to experiment with what works for you and what will help you orgasm.
Have fun exploring your body!
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