The Slow Fade

Have you ever gone a first date that went far too good to be true? A first date that indicated that a second date would certainly be in the cards?

But follow up texts never turned into plans and well eventually the guy stopped texting all together. This is known as the ‘slow burn’. The slow burn is even more unattractive than ghosting because it gives the illusion of hope.

This is a reality that many singles these days are enduring. The slow burn is merely a way of avoiding both the difficult conversation of what happens next as well as illuminating the guilt of ghosting. Not only does a low fade reveal what a idiot the guy may be but it merely means nothing more than you’re dating in the digital age where your next date could jut be a swipe away. Yes this is so sad but so true and it sucks!

So here is how to see if it is happening to you – and what you should do about it:

Take longer and longer to respond – 

Have their responses taken longer and longer? Honestly there is no time frame as to when someone should respond to you but if that person is interested they would make that known. Never compare this person to an ex but rather compare their actions to what they were when you first started seeing one another and if you see a significant change well then something is not right.

Short and sweet – 

Take a look into whether their responses aren’t as enthusiastic as what they were. If you are lucky to get more than an emoji, something is probably up. Point blank when you are dating someone you shouldn’t have to wonder when you’re going to see them again or when you will receive a text from them.

No such thing as concrete plans – 

You need to remember the difference between “sure let’s hangout” and “are you free on Thursday “. Slow faders may have some sort of interest in seeing you again but aren’t interested enough to confirm actual plans. If they ever suggest “Netflix and Chill” please note that is not classified as a concrete plan, and you should rethink spending your precious time on this person.

Texting first –

If you are the one who is texting first and starting conversation first that seems to be falling flat anyways. STOP it because this is a clear indication that the person you are dating is getting over it.

Priority – 

Slow faders will keep you around but they will not prioritise you. This could be one of two things, they are lonely for maybe it’s because you seem like the person they should actually be dating. But either way they seem to be putting their energy elsewhere.

Gut feels – 

Slow faders can easily be mistaken for something else such as they are working hard, away on business or simply bad on their phones. But none of these are a valid excuse, because is someone wants to be in your life they will make it happen. So to determine whether you are dating a slow fader or someone who is genuinely busy it all comes down to your gut and you and only you can notice a shift in energy.

So now what? 

Stop chasing this person. If they are truly not slow fading, they will reach our or try contact you at some point. If they don’t reach back out to you, then you need to actually be thankful and realise you don’t want to be with anyone like that anyways. If this is bothering you more than you thought then reach out to that person and be honest and say you going to walk away from this because you know what you want and they clearly not going to give it to you. A elegant and graceful exit, you might be upset for a couple days but hangout with friends, find a new hobby join that dance studio and focus solely on yourself.

At the end of the day the person meant for you will find you, and will stay.

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